“The scariest moment is always just before you start.” — Stephen King
“People cannot live unless they’re needed by others. Therefore, they work so hard; for their jobs, or studies..in order to be needed by someone.” — Aizawa Kousaku, Code Blue
“I won’t cast the first stone or leave the first mark, but I will leave a lasting impression.” – New Found Glory, Failure’s Not Flattering
“Orang-orang yang merindu, namun tetap menjaga kehormatan perasaannya, takut sekali berbuat dosa, memilih senyap, terus memperbaiki diri hingga waktu memberikan kabar baik, boleh jadi doa-doanya menguntai tangga yang indah hingga ke langit. Kalaupun tidak dengan yang dirindukan, boleh jadi diganti yang lebih baik” — Tere Liye
“If you argue correctly, you’re never wrong. That’s the beauty of argument.” — Nick Naylor, Thank You For Smoking.
“You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think!” — Christopher Robin, Winnie the Pooh’s Most Grand Adventure.
“Kemiskinan itu bukan berarti tidak memiliki apa-apa akan tetapi ketidakmampuan untuk mengelola sumber daya yang ada.” — Erie Sudewo, Chairman of Dompet Dhuafa.
“Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes, you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you’ll find it in a spouse and celebrate it in your dream wedding. But there’s also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you –sometimes better than you know yourself, is the same person who’s been standing beside you all along.” — Marion St. Claire, Bride Wars.
“When does a human die? It’s when he’s forgotten by others..”— Dr. Hiluluk, One Piece.
“When alone, people don’t value life. It’s only when there’s someone they want to be with, someone they don’t want to sadden, people value their own lives.” — Aizawa Kousaku, Code Blue.
Oh gosh. I’m a mess.
This week I haven’t been my best. These two days have been the worst. I can barely think. I’m poor at making decisions. I feel like I’ve made terrible choices.
But I’ve made a commitment to publish a writing once a week, and since I haven’t posted anything this week, well, here goes..
So.. for the first time in quite a while, recently I’ve started disliking Monday again.
I’ve grown to like my job quite a lot the past few months, so I haven’t had any problem welcoming Mondays. In fact, I even looked forward to it.
However, in the last few weeks, going to work has somehow been kind of dreadful to me. I haven’t been enjoying going to work. There’s just this pressure and perhaps weariness I’ve been feeling. Also.. uneasy feeling. I can’t even comfortably talk about the things I always loved to talk about. I am filled with doubt, regret, and worries.
Well, maybe that’s the reason why I also feel so tired all the time.
I haven’t really been able to pinpoint the root cause, though I suspected some things to be the probable causes. I don’t feel like writing them here, but I’ve written pretty much all my thoughts and feelings in my journal, so… I guess writing about it hasn’t helped that much. I need to find a way to either figure it out or just to let it out.. whichever possible for now, because it seems to start affecting my thinking and decision making. I need to stop this before it becomes another drama.
Wish. Me. Luck.
P.S.: Today I’ve basically ruined one of the biggest opportunity I might ever have; the LC Lab Batch 2’s first showcase. It was showtime and I screwed up. Big time. I wasn’t even sure what I was about to talk about. I thought I’ve figured it out, but I feel like getting back to square one. I feel like I don’t even know what I’m actually aiming to do. Dear Lord.. please show me the way :'(
Well, for now.. I guess I’m just going to hold on to my new mantra:
“It’s okay to be not okay.”
Just breathe. Embrace yourself. Everything is going to be alright. :’)
Indeed, isn’t it?
Apparently, loving a child is somewhat complicated.
Many times it seems as if they don’t pay attention to what we say or do. As if they’re not listening to us. However, every single thing we do may apparently affect them for the rest of their lives.
I am not a parent (yet), but being a teacher somehow gives me insights of experiences of being a parent. I now understand how it might feel for parents, how they might worry whether what they’re doing or the choices they make are the right ones for the child. Because what they do right now might determine the rest of the child’s life.
I guess I never really understood love until recently. The past one year, I feel like I have learned and felt much more love than I ever did.
Yeah, I fell in love. Deeply in love.
Maybe it’s not the first time I fell in love, but it is the first time someone actually understands…and loves me back.
Someone loves me back. Or at least that’s how it felt like.
That is the most precious thing I have ever had in my life.
A feew weeks ago, I saw this #komik10tahun on Instagram and it sort of went viral among comic artists. There were many inspiring stories of how they imagine themselves meeting their 10-years-old self.
These stories inspired me to do an activity with my students.
I shared with my students about how most people actually “plan their lives” when they’re 10 years old. Not in high school. Not in college. Your real dreams and ambitions are created when you’re 10 years old.
It’s a prime age where dreams and imaginations start to meet the real world.
Yep, being the seasonal blogger I am, you know what it means when I suddenly show up on this blog again.
Gosh, it’s been almost a year since my last post, huh? Can’t believe time went by that fast.
Ah, I don’t know where to start..
The last one year has been such a roller-coaster of emotions for me. Oh, and I (almost) fell into depression (again). Yup, it’s been one helluva year. I survived that, though, and I began to love my job more than I ever loved anything I’ve ever done in my life.
But maybe.. I’ve fallen in love too deeply. And nothing with the prefix ‘too’ has ever gone good. I know I’ve always told myself to not care about what people say, as long as do what I believe is right.. But well, apparently letting your heart take control is not all that good after all.
I let my heart lead the way, but apparently I ignored my logic completely.. and I almost ruined everything.
I’m in too deep.
I don’t know why this always happens to me. The moment I care, I ruin everything.
Because I’d do it wholeheartedly. I’d care too much.
And I ruined it. Again.
I might need to pull myself away for now. Keep my distance. Try to care less.
Thank goodness I have somewhere else to put my focus on..
“I can’t help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I’m sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel..”
– Papa Roach, ‘Scars’
I have other news that might be more exciting to share, but.. in another post, maybe. Right now I’m just too mellow to write anything else..
But hey! Thank goodness for all those mellow-ness. Here I am writing again. Guess there’s always a brighter side to everything…