Notable Words

“The scariest moment is always just before you start.”  Stephen King

“People cannot live unless they’re needed by others. Therefore, they work so hard; for their jobs, or studies… in order to be needed by someone.” Aizawa Kousaku

“I won’t cast the first stone or leave the first mark, but I will leave a lasting impression.” – New Found Glory

“You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think!”  Christopher Robin

“When does a human die? It’s when he’s forgotten by others..”dr. Hiluluk

“When alone, people don’t value life. It’s only when there’s someone they want to be with, someone they don’t want to sadden, people value their own lives.” —  Aizawa Kousaku

Tuhan Kecil

Jangan jadi tuhan kecil, wahai orangtua!
Hanya karena memiliki wewenang atas anaknya,
Lantas jadi merasa sedemikian berkuasa.
Mengatur dan mengkritik setiap gerak-geriknya sedemikian rupa.
Seolah anak itu makhluk tak berdaya.
Padahal setiap manusia diciptakan dengan kehendak bebas olehNya.

Jangan jadi tuhan kecil, wahai orangtua!
Hanya karena berperan jadi jalan lahir bagi anaknya,
Dan memberikan sandang, pangan, papan semasa kecilnya,
Lantas merasa memiliki seluruh kehidupannya,
Mengendalikan hidupnya sedemikian rupa.
Padahal bukankah anak itu hanyalah titipanNya?

Jangan jadi tuhan kecil, wahai orangtua!
Tuhan saja tidak mengekang makhluknya,
Tapi kalian lebih banyak menghakiminya,
Apresiasi pun tak diberikan juga,
Hingga tumbuh besar namun kerdil jiwanya,
Senantiasa mencari validasi dari luar dirinya,
Jangan-jangan malah tertanam benih syirik di hatinya,
Karena lebih takut dinilai orangtua daripada Tuhannya.

Jangan jadi tuhan kecil, wahai orangtua!
Ini adalah kisah nyata,
Bahkan tak sedikit kejadiannya,
Anak-anak yang semakin menjauh dari orangtua,
Karena tak mendapatkan relasi emosi yang sehat dari mereka.

Berapa banyak orang yang terseok-seok menjalani kehidupan,
Bergelut dengan dalamnya luka pengasuhan,
Karena orang yang selayaknya berperan sebagai teladan, teman dan konsultan,
Malah berlaku seolah-olah sebagai Tuhan.

“Anakmu bukanlah milikmu,
mereka adalah putra putri sang Hidup,
yang rindu akan dirinya sendiri.
Mereka lahir lewat engkau,
tetapi bukan dari engkau,
mereka ada padamu, tetapi bukanlah milikmu.
Berikanlah mereka kasih sayangmu,
namun jangan sodorkan pemikiranmu,
sebab pada mereka ada alam pikirannya sendiri.
Patut kau berikan rumah bagi raganya,
namun tidak bagi jiwanya,
sebab jiwa mereka adalah penghuni rumah masa depan,
yang tiada dapat kau kunjungi,
sekalipun dalam mimpimu.
Engkau boleh berusaha menyerupai mereka,
namun jangan membuat mereka menyerupaimu,
sebab kehidupan tidak pernah berjalan mundur,
ataupun tenggelam ke masa lampau.
Engkaulah busur asal anakmu,
anak panah hidup, melesat pergi.
Sang Pemanah membidik sasaran keabadian,
Dia merentangkanmu dengan kuasaNya,
hingga anak panah itu melesat jauh dan cepat.
Bersukacitalah dalam rentangan tangan Sang Pemanah,
sebab Dia mengasihi anak-anak panah yang melesat laksana kilat,
sebagaimana dikasihiNya pula busur yang mantap.”

Kahlil Gibran, “Anakmu Bukan Anakmu”

25 Mei 2020 / 2 Syawal 1441

Being An Intellection Again (Finally Writing Again)

Hey y’all. Whoever y’all are. (I don’t know who ever actually read my blog.)

It’s been months of roller-coaster ride. I barely write here again since my last depression-ish period. No, this doesn’t mean I’m in depressive period right now, but as of today, the world is still in crisis due to the COVID-19 outbreak. And I’m currently in second week of self-quarantine, so it’s only a matter of time until I finally write again.

It doesn’t necessarily mean I haven’t been writing at all, obviously, because I don’t really have many options for letting my thoughts out other than writing.. but these days there are more platforms to choose to write my thoughts out, and more often than not, my thoughts are more like spurt of thoughts or slight emotional burst that I don’t feel like explaining much nor I don’t want them to stay too long out in the open, so I’d rather write them on IG story, letting them disappear after 24 hours.

I haven’t been writing serious stuffs, indeed.

I guess in the last few months, I haven’t been in my element. I’ve been almost completely out of my comfort zone, and it drained my energy a lot. So I didn’t have as much energy left for some serious writing.

Also, I’ve written most of my thoughts and stories on my Instagram captions for #30haribercerita last January (which challenge I did not complete either), pretty much summing up where I’ve been and what happened to me in the previous year, so I didn’t have as much material to write about in this blog.

And yeah, I haven’t been so much out of my comfort zone, that I had to spend most of my energy adapting to new dynamics. I basically got a job that I never even dreamed of doing, nor thought I would ever be capable of doing: facilitating preschool children.

It’s just so out of my element, it is not my strength nor in my skill set at all, but I thought it was a good opportunity to learn, so I accepted the job. But it is as hard or even harder than I thought it would be… in terms of managing my energy (and expectations).

So anyway, I adapted with all the dynamics for about 3+ months.. until this pandemic happened. Now I gotta adapt with a completely different dynamics again.

Handling 3 year-olds face to face proves to be challenging, but doable.. at least you can take your time and feel their energy and adjust accordingly. But having to give them instructions through online meetings, in front of their parents..? DUDE, I DON’T EVEN FEEL COMFORTABLE HAVING VIDEO CALLS WITH MY FRIENDS. Let alone “handling” children through online meeting?! It’s just absurd.

But anyway, I guess it’s just the way it is these days.. I can only adapt to it. It might take even more energy to do so, but then again, I just gotta take it one day at a time.

One day at a time.


The Contradicted Mind

Do you realize why you still suffer?

Because you still care about what others think.

You may say that you don’t, but it’s obvious what you’re doing. You’re hiding. You don’t want anyone to see you because you’re scared of what they might think about you. You still care about how others perceive you. That’s why you keep on pulling yourself away.

Oh, you do that because you don’t want to hurt anyone else? Who are you kidding? You’re not saving anyone, you’re saving yourself, aren’t you? You say that it’s better for people to not know you, because that way, no one else would get hurt by your mistakes, your stupidity, but really, it’s you who’s afraid of getting hurt, isn’t it?

Do you realize why you still feel miserable?

Yeah, why?

I’m Tired.

Tired of all the thoughts. Of all the voices. I’m tired of all the contradictions inside of me. It’s so tiring when your mind never stops asking for answers. When it always asks why for everything. But at the same time, it always find another answer that contradict the current answer. And it’s never satisfied with one answer.

It all narrows down to one question, anyway.”Why do we do anything at all?”

Yeah, why?