..but To Love Is Not As Simple

Indeed, isn’t it?

Apparently, loving a child is somewhat complicated.

Many times it seems as if they don’t pay attention to what we say or do. As if they’re not listening to us. However, every single thing we do may apparently affect them for the rest of their lives.

I am not a parent (yet), but being a teacher somehow gives me insights of experiences of being a parent. I now understand how it might feel for parents, how they might worry whether what they’re doing or the choices they make are the right ones for the child. Because what they do right now might determine the rest of the child’s life.

I feel that kind of worry now. Sort of.

I wonder if I’m making the right choices everyday in the classroom.
I wonder if I’ve been doing it right all along.
I wonder if what I said have made an impact in my students’ lives.
I wonder if I have said or done something wrong.

I worry if I haven’t done good enough for them.
I worry if I have made it worse for them.

I’m afraid.
I’m afraid that everything I’ve done up to this point is all for nothing.
I’m afraid that I’ve been making all the wrong choices all along.

No matter how happy I look in the class, no matter how I smile in front of the kids, these kinds of insecurity haunts me everyday.

And yes, teacher stress is real.
Many teachers don’t “survive” their first year and quit teaching.

I almost did.

So…yeah, loving a child might be complicated. What we do or say now, although it seems as if they’re not listening, they might carry it with them for the rest of their lives.

It freaks you out, doesn’t it?

What if you’re making a mistake?
What if you’re making the wrong choices?

But we’ll never know.

All I know is that Allah always has the best plan.
Just believe in His Plan.

I believe that I am here for a reason. It is all part of His Plan.

Allah chose us to have these certain roles in our lives.
Now it’s up to us to choose whether we’d fulfill that role He has given us or not.

Your choice.

One of my students used to quote a precept whose source I don’t really know:

“What is life? It is from B to D; from birth to death, but what is between B and D? It’s C. C is choice, your life is full of choices. That is life.”

Such words of wisdom.

Author: nadhilaaz

Still trying to figure it out.

Let me know what you think :)

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