It is Okay to be Not Okay

Oh gosh. I’m a mess.

This week I haven’t been my best. These two days have been the worst. I can barely think. I’m poor at making decisions. I feel like I’ve made terrible choices.

But I’ve made a commitment to publish a writing once a week, and since I haven’t posted anything this week, well, here goes..

So.. for the first time in quite a while, recently I’ve started disliking Monday again.

I’ve grown to like my job quite a lot the past few months, so I haven’t had any problem welcoming Mondays. In fact, I even looked forward to it.

However, in the last few weeks, going to work has somehow been kind of dreadful to me. I haven’t been enjoying going to work. There’s just this pressure and perhaps weariness I’ve been feeling. Also.. uneasy feeling. I can’t even comfortably talk about the things I always loved to talk about. I am filled with doubt, regret, and worries.

Well, maybe that’s the reason why I also feel so tired all the time.

I haven’t really been able to pinpoint the root cause, though I suspected some things to be the probable causes. I don’t feel like writing them here, but I’ve written pretty much all my thoughts and feelings in my journal, so… I guess writing about it hasn’t helped that much. I need to find a way to either figure it out or just to let it out.. whichever possible for now, because it seems to start affecting my thinking and decision making. I need to stop this before it becomes another drama.

Wish. Me. Luck.

P.S.: Today I’ve basically ruined one of the biggest opportunity I might ever have; the LC Lab Batch 2’s first showcase. It was showtime and I screwed up. Big time. I wasn’t even sure what I was about to talk about. I thought I’ve figured it out, but I feel like getting back to square one. I feel like I don’t even know what I’m actually aiming to do. Dear Lord.. please show me the way :'(

Well, for now.. I guess I’m just going to hold on to my new mantra:

“It’s okay to be not okay.”

Just breathe. Embrace yourself. Everything is going to be alright. :’)