2018: A (Journey of) Reflection

3 months.

3 months since I somehow got back on my senses.

3 months.. perhaps it’s a reasonable period of time to do a whole lot of things.. until you suddenly feel so tired with no reason whatsoever. Feeling so uneasy completely out of nowhere.

Perhaps it’s a sign that it is time to reflect again.

. . .

For me, 2018 has been a year full of losses.

Yeah, I’ve lost quite a lot. I lost so much time. I lost my (full-time) job. I lost opportunities. I lost my kids. I lost my friend. I lost precious relations..

And I guess for quite some time then.. I lost myself.

I lost sight of who I am. And perhaps I still do, from time to time.

But at the same time, I feel like I keep on getting the chance to find myself all over again.

Does it make sense to you? I don’t mind if it doesn’t.. Everyone has their own timeline to encounter such things.

Losing something precious to you is never easy.

Moving on is never easy. But if you are patient enough to get over it, you sure would grow so much..

Or so I think. You might think otherwise. It’s okay. It’s perfectly fine to have your own opinion.

Either way, it is often harder to forgive yourself than to forgive others.

That one dumb big awful mistake you made, it may ruin you. Broke someone’s heart. Broke relations apart.

And you can’t even do anything to make it right again…

But then again, if it happens then so it happens.

Nothing is a coincidence. It is all meant to be.

It must be part of His Grand Plan, somehow.

. . .

I just hope I can get over it before I fall apart all over again…

Jakarta, soon ending December 2018.
@nadhilaaz

Social Media: The Mother of All (Current) Problems?

No, you’re not reading it wrong. Seems like it is indeed the mother of all problems these days.

As usual, this is not an academic writing, thus I wouldn’t want to bother too much citing different research and references about this social media  phenomena. You can just Google it, I’m pretty sure it’ll provide better results than I could.

It seems quite obvious how I am among those people affected by the nature of social media. You can see that my last post here was almost 2 months ago.. which is just around the time I re-activated my Instagram account.

And since then, I have been writing, still… but mostly on Instagram Stories.

Somehow, speaking in short term, it does feel kinda more rewarding, with instant gratification and all.. You don’t get likes in IGS indeed, but you still get gratification as well, you know.. with the numbers of viewers and all. (Oh and I guess the new feature for sending emoji(s) to the story you view also works as some kind of instant gratification as well, doesn’t it?)

Soooo yeah, sometimes I feel like writing my ideas and thoughts there is somewhat more rewarding, since I also know that more people would read it, I know there are more traffic there.. so if I were to express my ideas and influence people, I might say that it is somewhat more effective through Instagram Stories. I’m pretty sure not as many people read my blog as those who checks out my Instagram Stories.

Anyway, ever since I re-activated my Instagram account, I also frequently check my Instagram. It’s like, automatic. Very impulsive. Although I know that it’s actually not healthy. Hahaha. Dang it, social media is indeed addictive.

Ever since I took a social media break for several months in 2018, I’ve been thinking that social media is indeed toxic by nature. I mean, it is indeed like a weapon. If you don’t know how to wield it, it might hurt you. However, if you understand how to use it, it will help you fight.

So it is actually quite okay if you really understand how to use it. But by the level of toxicity it potentially has these days, it requires higher level of awareness / mindfulness indeed. If you’re not careful enough, it is rather easy to get caught up in the middle of something meaningless. It might even mess with your head, ruin your life.

Ahh, dang it, I just did it again. Randomly checked and swipe through several Insta-Stories while writing this. Whyyyyy. Hahahaha. It’s hard to control the impulse, maaaan.

Anyway, Instagram sure have the potential to kill productivity. It might at first be a friend to you to kill some time, but if you are not doing it mindfully, you might not realize just how much time you actually spent on this platform. Well, it does have a new feature now, which tells you just how long you’ve spent on IG for the day.. (But it doesn’t work on my account somehow! :<) However, information is just an information if you don’t decide to do anything about it.

Sooo yeah, it depends on your intentions. If you really wish to be more productive and spend less time on social media, you really got to clearly set your intentions to do so. Even better, write it down! Put several reminders in strategic places, somewhere quite visible to you. Visual cues should help. I am not yet very consistent in doing these kind of things, but some people agreed that such thing does help.

Well, uh.. at first, I feel like there are so much more I could write about social media and the title I used to represent this post, but.. I guess I can split it into different parts.

I suppose I just needed to write something as an exercise, after weeks of absence from this blog.. Like, a stimulus, perhaps. :)

So let’s call this part one! Lateeeeers~