Surviving (Near-)Depression and Building Something Meaningful

I’m baaaack! (Yeah, well, you know the drill. As usual, I’m such a seasonal blogger.)

The last few months hasn’t been great for me actually. I almost fell into depression, if not actually depressed. And the last post about a place I belong? Boy how I was so wrong. Sekolah Alam is only great from the outside, but inside, it’s just as conventional as the school next door. At least that’s what I can say, based on my own experience. Not to belittle other Sekolah Alam, though.

Anyway, so now I’ve left the job at Sekolah Alam. I’m not proud of how I did, but I’m kinda glad I made the decision. I did went through terrible time after I resigned, I was in a very low point in the last few months, as if I didn’t know how to live anymore (yes, it was that bad)..but somehow I was able to pull myself back up. All praise to Allah, Alhamdulillah. And I finally figured out what I’m meant to do, or at least, what I really aspire to do.

Currently I’m back teaching as a freelance, looking for a suitable teaching job in alternative schools, and building networks in education. Last month I went to #PestaPendidikan in Bandung, and also joined Fitrah Based Education workshop. They were very insightful. I realized that what I enjoy the most is learning, and I’m always excited to learn, be it through seminars and workshop, or through interacting with people. I like talking about and spreading ideas, and get very excited when the people I talk to share the similar ideas.

Now I’m very excited to build @sekolahparenting, as a fitrah based education community. (Please do join! Any parents, parents to-be, educators or anyone who wants to learn and share about parenting are very welcomed.) Later when the community is solid, I think it’ll be much easier to build and develop a fitrah based school together. I’m very optimistic on this. Bismillah, I hope Allah Gives blessing on this plan.

It’s still a long way to go, but I think it’s gonna be an interesting journey.. Let’s collaborate! :)

The Place I Belong

OneRepublic - Counting Stars. Play video for lyrics.

I just re-listened to this song thoroughly today, and realized that this is the theme song to my career turning point :)

Yes, I feel like I’ve given up a lot for the work I’m doing right now, but I think it’s totally worth it. I feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be. I’m in the best job I can possibly be in :)

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It’s My Life

It’s my life
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I’m alive

It’s my life
My heart is like an open highway
Like Franklin said, “I did it my way”
I just wanna live while I’m alive

Bon Jovi – It’s My Life

Lagu ini masih terus terngiang-ngiang di kepala gue sampe saat ini, tetapi itu nggak bikin gue kesel (seperti mungkin umumnya lagu yang terngiang-ngiang di pikiran), justru bikin gue lebih semangat :)

Ya, baru dalam 4 hari kebelakang ini gue bener-bener mendalami lirik lagu ini, dan meresapi maknanya. Ini hidup gue. Hidup gue adanya sekarang; nanti, besok, lusa, siapa yang tahu? Only Allah knows. Gue punya pilihan untuk menentukan hidup gue. Mau seperti apa? Mau dibawa kemana?

Dan ternyata gue udah pernah menulis tentang pilihan loh di sini. (Baru nyadar, hahaha. Terus sekarang nulis apa dong yah.)

Oh, iya. Kalau gitu sekarang gue nulis tentang kesadaran deh. Bahasa kerennya (eh, Bahasa Inggrisnya ding) sih awareness.

Apa itu awareness? Awareness adalah kesadaran. (Lah, dibolak-balik doang.)

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What Revolution Will You Lead?

Now it goes down to this one simple question, which is not so simple to answer…

If I had written this post about one and a half month ago, I might have written boldly about how I want to lead a revolution in education, especially in my home country.

But then some things happened, and I was faced with some harsh realities (which I now realize that it may just be my reality) that made me feel not so sure about it. It even made me skip this LYL challenge for a month. I don’t want this post to be too long, so if you really want to know about what happened, you may read the story in the other post. (link to be updated)

It made me so doubtful of myself. I seriously doubted my competence and capabilities to actually lead that kind of revolution. I feel like I’ve really screwed up and feel so small that there’s no way I’d be able to do that.

But after a few pep talk with myself, talking to people (more like exchanging ideas, not talking about my problems though), and a lot of prayers.. I finally tell myself that I just gotta do it. I just gotta do something, anything I can think of, anything I could possibly do right now. Who cares if I can or cannot do it? I still want to make it happen. At least I know where I want to go. I’ll do something and I might at least learn something, no matter how little it is. Eventually I’ll figure out how to get there.

So here’s the revolution I want to lead. Continue Reading

What Difference Do You Want To Make?

Okay, I know this challenge is long overdue; it’s supposed to be a 7 days blog challenge and I started it in mid April.. now it’s almost the end of May and I still haven’t completed these challenges.

But..well, I guess finishing late is better than never finishing at all, huh?

So the big question of the (supposed to be) 6th day of the challenge is:

What difference do you want to make in the world? What impact do you want to have? How do you want to make things a little better for society? What do you want to be remembered for once you’re gone?

Now that I think about it, I guess what I really want to do is to live my life fully aware, and help people to build awareness as well. I want people (and especially myself, of course) to live their lives fully aware, because awareness is the first (but I believe it’s the most important) thing that actually gives us purpose to do something. Our level of awareness determines how we make decisions. We make decisions and act based on what we’re aware of.

I think I’ve ever read somewhere that we are creatures of routines. Perhaps we are so adapted in living in routines that most of the time, most of us might not realize that we’re living lives in some kind of autopilot. Since we all make decisions and act based on what we know and are aware of, don’t you think that awareness is actually very essential here?

Now, being aware makes a whole lot difference. It is different from simply knowing. Perhaps you might know something, let’s say, an information; if you are not aware that the information is relevant to the situation that you are facing, most likely you wouldn’t include that information in your situation. Therefore, even if we have knowledge or power, without awareness, most likely these knowledge or power wouldn’t live to its true purpose.

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