It’s That Time of The Year Again, I Guess..

Yep, being the seasonal blogger I am, you know what it means when I suddenly show up on this blog again.

Gosh, it’s been almost a year since my last post, huh? Can’t believe time went by that fast.

Ah, I don’t know where to start..

The last one year has been such a roller-coaster of emotions for me. Oh, and I (almost) fell into depression (again). Yup, it’s been one helluva year. I survived that, though, and I began to love my job more than I ever loved anything I’ve ever done in my life.

But maybe.. I’ve fallen in love too deeply. And nothing with the prefix ‘too’ has ever gone good. I know I’ve always told myself to not care about what people say, as long as do what I believe is right.. But well, apparently letting your heart take control is not all that good after all.

I let my heart lead the way, but apparently I ignored my logic completely.. and I almost ruined everything.

I’m in too deep.

I don’t know why this always happens to me.  The moment I care, I ruin everything.

Because I’d do it wholeheartedly. I’d care too much.

And I ruined it. Again.

I might need to pull myself away for now. Keep my distance. Try to care less.

Thank goodness I have somewhere else to put my focus on..

“I can’t help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I’m sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel..”

– Papa Roach, ‘Scars’

____

I have other news that might be more exciting to share, but.. in another post, maybe. Right now I’m just too mellow to write anything else..

But hey! Thank goodness for all those mellow-ness. Here I am writing again. Guess there’s always a brighter side to everything…

Surviving (Near-)Depression and Building Something Meaningful

I’m baaaack! (Yeah, well, you know the drill. As usual, I’m such a seasonal blogger.)

The last few months hasn’t been great for me actually. I almost fell into depression, if not actually depressed. And the last post about a place I belong? Boy how I was so wrong. Sekolah Alam is only great from the outside, but inside, it’s just as conventional as the school next door. At least that’s what I can say, based on my own experience. Not to belittle other Sekolah Alam, though.

Anyway, so now I’ve left the job at Sekolah Alam. I’m not proud of how I did, but I’m kinda glad I made the decision. I did went through terrible time after I resigned, I was in a very low point in the last few months, as if I didn’t know how to live anymore (yes, it was that bad)..but somehow I was able to pull myself back up. All praise to Allah, Alhamdulillah. And I finally figured out what I’m meant to do, or at least, what I really aspire to do.

Currently I’m back teaching as a freelance, looking for a suitable teaching job in alternative schools, and building networks in education. Last month I went to #PestaPendidikan in Bandung, and also joined Fitrah Based Education workshop. They were very insightful. I realized that what I enjoy the most is learning, and I’m always excited to learn, be it through seminars and workshop, or through interacting with people. I like talking about and spreading ideas, and get very excited when the people I talk to share the similar ideas.

Now I’m very excited to build @sekolahparenting, as a fitrah based education community. (Please do join! Any parents, parents to-be, educators or anyone who wants to learn and share about parenting are very welcomed.) Later when the community is solid, I think it’ll be much easier to build and develop a fitrah based school together. I’m very optimistic on this. Bismillah, I hope Allah Gives blessing on this plan.

It’s still a long way to go, but I think it’s gonna be an interesting journey.. Let’s collaborate! :)

Why Do You Write A Blog?

Oh well, just in time! Because I can see the old habit started kicking in, hahaha. It happened all the time; I’d be on fire and started writing something for the blog again, promising myself -if not the readers- to post regularly again, but then I lost the mood, life happens, etc, and I’d just go on hiatus until I started to write again, and the cycle repeats itself. Apparently it’s quite easy to start, but being consistent is the hardest part. Thanks to Dira, I found this blogging challenge. Hopefully it will stimulate me to write more consistently. Let’s break that evil chain, eh?

So why did I start a blog in the first place?

I guess it started with the Friendster blog back then. I saw some people write blogs, then I guess I thought it’d be a good place to post some of my work. I liked writing poetry back in high school. So I started posting my poems in that Friendster blog. I was also terrible at keeping a journal/diary, and I don’t always have a friend to tell my stories to, so I guess it could be a place for me to share my stories too –ones that are not private business, of course.

So I kept writing about personal experiences, mostly the ones that are out of my ordinary days, just as a way to share my life story with others. A couple years later, after I migrated my blog to WordPress (because Friendster was getting less popular), I started to contemplate more about life and the things around me. And I just thought that maybe I can get people to stop once in a while and think about such things too. Maybe I could affect or inspire people in some way through my writings. I started writing more about things that I think about, and less about daily experiences.

I kept writing (although less frequently, because I only write if I believe it’s worth to think about), because I want to affect people to change. I want to make people think, and change their point of view, change their attitude, and become a better person, do better for others around them. For a better world, eventually.

A wise man once said, “To read is to know the world, to write is to know thyself.”

So that’s it, I guess. I write a blog to inspire, not only people, but also myself. Let all these writings remind me of who I was, who I am, and who I want to become.