Damaged Goods

Parenting trauma is super real, y’all.

It’s not always explicit like sexual or physical abuse or such, but the emotional trauma is as damaging.

It may damage you as a person. It affects your personality.

It’s true that education shapes people, but we often mistaken “school” for “education”. Believe it or not, the most of education takes place at home.

There are various research to prove this, but since this is not a scientific paper, I apologize for not citing any of those research. (Might as well do your own research, though. Read some parenting books, I’m sure you’ll find a bunch of references there. Oh and while you’re at it, do some research about fitrah-based education/FBE as well. You won’t regret it.)

Well, this is coming from a person who spend years of her life thinking that she could change things, thought that education is the root answer for everything, then found out that school system is an ultimately ineffective component of education, and also figured out that she is a combination of an ideal product of a failed education system and a terribly damaged product of a dysfunctional parenting.

Okay, that was disturbingly specific.

I know I usually try to keep it positive in this blog, but heck, people need to know this.
I am not a professional or an expert or anything in this, but I am speaking writing from the point of view of a person who has experienced the trauma. I don’t care anymore how people judge me, I’m already damaged as I am. At least I’m letting it out just for the sake of keeping me sane writing the truth.

I am who I am. And like it or not, this is me. I’m not really sure how my parents raised me, honestly I don’t remember too much. Perhaps my brain actively delete memories it doesn’t like. Anyhow, as I grew up, as I learn and know more, I figured out that some things are seriously wrong in my life.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I do love my family. I’m grateful for them. But hey, it doesn’t change the fact that they made some terrible mistakes.

And this is how I turned out to be. All the crap and the good inside, if any.

This is how my personality turned out to be. This is how I was “programmed” to be, by everything that happens in my family.

Trust me, it works just like that.

Parenting is like programming.

Be it the habits in the family, how the parents talk to the children, what the parents do, how the parents think, they’re all what makes a person who he/she is. That’s how we all actually learn.

Oh on an important note; parents or family here isn’t necessarily biological, it also works as caretakers or whoever acts as one.

Anyway, so that is why I’m writing this. Everybody needs to know.

Education is important. And the most of education comes from parents.

Education starts from family.

Thus, it is urgent and important to learn how to be good parents.
It is not to be taken lightly.

True, there may not be such thing as the best parenting method. However, that is exactly why we all need to learn, so that we may know and understand well enough to choose which one suits us best.

Because in the end, we’re all left to make our own choices… and face the consequences.**

Well, this could be a longer post, but I guess I have pretty much made my point.

You know how there are some people that goes viral for doing some freakishly ridiculous things and you can’t help to wonder how people can do something so freaking bizarre?

And all the stupid things “netizen” say?

Have you ever wondered how these people were raised in their family?

Don’t blame the government. Don’t blame schools.
Ask ourselves, what are we doing as parents, as adults.
Did we prepare ourselves to properly raise another human being?

We need to break this chain, people. Let’s get to work.

#LearnParenting
#OrangtuaBelajar

**This is also one of the most important skills we need to teach children!

..but To Love Is Not As Simple

Indeed, isn’t it?

Apparently, loving a child is somewhat complicated.

Many times it seems as if they don’t pay attention to what we say or do. As if they’re not listening to us. However, every single thing we do may apparently affect them for the rest of their lives.

I am not a parent (yet), but being a teacher somehow gives me insights of experiences of being a parent. I now understand how it might feel for parents, how they might worry whether what they’re doing or the choices they make are the right ones for the child. Because what they do right now might determine the rest of the child’s life.

Continue reading “..but To Love Is Not As Simple”

Meeting Your 10-Years-Old Self: Evaluation on Life

A few weeks ago, I saw this #komik10tahun on Instagram and it sort of went viral among comic artists. There were many inspiring stories of how they imagine themselves meeting their 10-years-old self.

These stories inspired me to do an activity with my students.
I shared with my students about how most people actually “plan their lives” when they’re 10 years old. Not in high school. Not in college. Your real dreams and ambitions are created when you’re 10 years old.

It’s a prime age where dreams and imaginations start to meet the real world.

Continue reading “Meeting Your 10-Years-Old Self: Evaluation on Life”

What’s Your Elevator Pitch?

What are you excited about? Why are you excited about it?

I’m excited about making a reformation on education in Indonesia. I’m excited about how learning is supposed to be an enjoyable journey. I like sharing ideas about how school is supposed to be, and how school can be like. I’m excited about learning about Finland’s education system.

Why education? Because I believe that education is a powerful thing that shapes us as human, improving our qualities and our lives. I believe that education can influence many people, touch a lot of lives. School ages are the golden ages, where children learn many things, interact with different people, getting to know the world, experiencing many things that eventually build their character. It’s a critical phase in life, and it would be such a shame if we falsely focused on testing and standardizing children’s abilities, and losing the substance of learning process.

It’s sad to see the reality of education in Indonesia (or even in many parts of the world), where the quality of education is so uneven. High quality means high costs; therefore only wealthy ones have the chance of getting high quality education. That being said, higher cost doesn’t always guarantee the quality either. Since the system always focuses on testing and grading students, school seems to be such a dreadful place, where kids feel pressured to meet so many standards, because they are judged based on what they can or cannot do. It ignores the unique nature in every individual, as if turning them away from who they really are. Perhaps that’s why we are often so unsure about our lives, not daring to push ourselves and find what we’re truly passionate about.

I believe school is supposed to be preparing us to live in the real world, teaching us the know-hows, helping us to realize our potentials, our passion; instead of pushing us to learn many things and pass standardized tests without knowing how to apply it in our lives. I believe teachers are supposed to be mentors, who actually know their students personally, helping them to grow, to personally develop theirselves. I believe teachers should be the ones who know their students best (aside of the parents, of course) so they’d know better how to “test” their competence -because students’ capabilities are different!-, instead of a national curriculum that changes everytime.

I’m excited to share these kind of ideas with people who have similar concerns, and willing to do something to create a more learning-friendly environment. Those who are willing to make the best experience out of our schools, our education. I want to make education better in Indonesia. It’s a very long way to go, but I’m excited to start the journey.

Bismillah..