I Could Have Been..

The mega sports event Asian Games 2018 will soon comes to an end. Having watched so many athletes plays various sports in this event, I kept on thinking to myself; I could have been an athlete..

I don’t know if anyone has actually noticed, the last few years all my life I’ve been struggling to figure out what on earth I’m good at. That struggle has been fruitless. I suck at everything.

Well, perhaps ever since I was in school I’ve always been able to do many things, but I never knew what I’m really good at. I’ve been a jack-of-all trades, but master of none. Surely, I can do some things where my other colleagues can’t, but put me in that specific field, and I’m pretty much nothing. Among other people in that field, I got nothing special. Basically, I actually suck at it. And it applies to all of the things I thought I was good at.

Everything…except for sports. Or so I think.

Seeing all the athletes competing in various sports in Asian Games 2018, I very much regret for not having pursued sports. I’ve always been quite good at sports, and I liked it. I honestly have at least practiced and experienced competitions in several sports being competed in Asian Games, such as athletic, pencak silat, taekwondo, (mini) soccer..

Now I keep on regretting; man, oh man, I could have been an athlete. I could totally have competed in those sports. I could have been in this event.

But I am not.

I am still here, staring at these four walls wondering where on earth my life is going.

I always enjoy PE at school, I joined invitational and regional competitions, and I even still participated in various internal sports events in college and in the company I worked in. I always enjoyed doing it. I even enjoyed doing it more than my main job or task in the institution I was in. I even still competed in futsal competition while working on my undergrad thesis. Those moments always made me happy.

Why oh why I didn’t pursue sports as a career?

Well, I have to admit that I thought there was no future in sports career. I guess that’s also the way I was raised; my parents are the kind of people who thinks of sports as nothing more than a hobby. It’s not a way to make a living. Career in sports were still underrated and underappreciated (unless for badminton and men’s football, I guess). 10 years ago, even perhaps until a couple years ago, athletes are still underpaid, undertrained, basically neglected by the government. It seems that only since Indonesia was to become the host of Asian Games 2018 that the government started to put serious treatments to the Indonesian athletes.

But it’s already too late for me. I’m already past my prime years of physical condition. Even if I could start so late, I don’t even know how and where to begin. I don’t know if I could compete with much younger athletes. I’m physically and mentally too late.

And here I am, having no friends, no job, no skills, no achievements; still staring at the same four walls, wondering what the heck I’m going to do with my life.

Meeting Your 10-Years-Old Self: Evaluation on Life

A few weeks ago, I saw this #komik10tahun on Instagram and it sort of went viral among comic artists. There were many inspiring stories of how they imagine themselves meeting their 10-years-old self.

These stories inspired me to do an activity with my students.
I shared with my students about how most people actually “plan their lives” when they’re 10 years old. Not in high school. Not in college. Your real dreams and ambitions are created when you’re 10 years old.

It’s a prime age where dreams and imaginations start to meet the real world.

Continue reading “Meeting Your 10-Years-Old Self: Evaluation on Life”

The Place I Belong

OneRepublic - Counting Stars. Play video for lyrics.

I just re-listened to this song thoroughly today, and realized that this is the theme song to my career turning point :)

Yes, I feel like I’ve given up a lot for the work I’m doing right now, but I think it’s totally worth it. I feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be. I’m in the best job I can possibly be in :)

Continue reading “The Place I Belong”

It’s My Life

It’s my life
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I’m alive

It’s my life
My heart is like an open highway
Like Franklin said, “I did it my way”
I just wanna live while I’m alive

Bon Jovi – It’s My Life

Lagu ini masih terus terngiang-ngiang di kepala gue sampe saat ini, tetapi itu nggak bikin gue kesel (seperti mungkin umumnya lagu yang terngiang-ngiang di pikiran), justru bikin gue lebih semangat :)

Ya, baru dalam 4 hari kebelakang ini gue bener-bener mendalami lirik lagu ini, dan meresapi maknanya. Ini hidup gue. Hidup gue adanya sekarang; nanti, besok, lusa, siapa yang tahu? Only Allah knows. Gue punya pilihan untuk menentukan hidup gue. Mau seperti apa? Mau dibawa kemana?

Dan ternyata gue udah pernah menulis tentang pilihan loh di sini. (Baru nyadar, hahaha. Terus sekarang nulis apa dong yah.)

Oh, iya. Kalau gitu sekarang gue nulis tentang kesadaran deh. Bahasa kerennya (eh, Bahasa Inggrisnya ding) sih awareness.

Apa itu awareness? Awareness adalah kesadaran. (Lah, dibolak-balik doang.)

Continue reading “It’s My Life”

What Revolution Will You Lead?

Now it goes down to this one simple question, which is not so simple to answer…

If I had written this post about one and a half month ago, I might have written boldly about how I want to lead a revolution in education, especially in my home country.

But then some things happened, and I was faced with some harsh realities (which I now realize that it may just be my reality) that made me feel not so sure about it. It even made me skip this LYL challenge for a month. I don’t want this post to be too long, so if you really want to know about what happened, you may read the story in the other post. (link to be updated)

It made me so doubtful of myself. I seriously doubted my competence and capabilities to actually lead that kind of revolution. I feel like I’ve really screwed up and feel so small that there’s no way I’d be able to do that.

But after a few pep talk with myself, talking to people (more like exchanging ideas, not talking about my problems though), and a lot of prayers.. I finally tell myself that I just gotta do it. I just gotta do something, anything I can think of, anything I could possibly do right now. Who cares if I can or cannot do it? I still want to make it happen. At least I know where I want to go. I’ll do something and I might at least learn something, no matter how little it is. Eventually I’ll figure out how to get there.

So here’s the revolution I want to lead. Continue reading “What Revolution Will You Lead?”