Damaged Goods

Parenting trauma is super real, y’all.

It’s not always explicit like sexual or physical abuse or such, but the emotional trauma is as damaging.

It may damage you as a person. It affects your personality.

It’s true that education shapes people, but we often mistaken “school” for “education”. Believe it or not, the most of education takes place at home.

There are various research to prove this, but since this is not a scientific paper, I apologize for not citing any of those research. (Might as well do your own research, though. Read some parenting books, I’m sure you’ll find a bunch of references there. Oh and while you’re at it, do some research about fitrah-based education/FBE as well. You won’t regret it.)

Well, this is coming from a person who spend years of her life thinking that she could change things, thought that education is the root answer for everything, then found out that school system is an ultimately ineffective component of education, and also figured out that she is a combination of an ideal product of a failed education system and a terribly damaged product of a dysfunctional parenting.

Okay, that was disturbingly specific.

I know I usually try to keep it positive in this blog, but heck, people need to know this.
I am not a professional or an expert or anything in this, but I am speaking writing from the point of view of a person who has experienced the trauma. I don’t care anymore how people judge me, I’m already damaged as I am. At least I’m letting it out just for the sake of keeping me sane writing the truth.

I am who I am. And like it or not, this is me. I’m not really sure how my parents raised me, honestly I don’t remember too much. Perhaps my brain actively delete memories it doesn’t like. Anyhow, as I grew up, as I learn and know more, I figured out that some things are seriously wrong in my life.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I do love my family. I’m grateful for them. But hey, it doesn’t change the fact that they made some terrible mistakes.

And this is how I turned out to be. All the crap and the good inside, if any.

This is how my personality turned out to be. This is how I was “programmed” to be, by everything that happens in my family.

Trust me, it works just like that.

Parenting is like programming.

Be it the habits in the family, how the parents talk to the children, what the parents do, how the parents think, they’re all what makes a person who he/she is. That’s how we all actually learn.

Oh on an important note; parents or family here isn’t necessarily biological, it also works as caretakers or whoever acts as one.

Anyway, so that is why I’m writing this. Everybody needs to know.

Education is important. And the most of education comes from parents.

Education starts from family.

Thus, it is urgent and important to learn how to be good parents.
It is not to be taken lightly.

True, there may not be such thing as the best parenting method. However, that is exactly why we all need to learn, so that we may know and understand well enough to choose which one suits us best.

Because in the end, we’re all left to make our own choices… and face the consequences.**

Well, this could be a longer post, but I guess I have pretty much made my point.

You know how there are some people that goes viral for doing some freakishly ridiculous things and you can’t help to wonder how people can do something so freaking bizarre?

And all the stupid things “netizen” say?

Have you ever wondered how these people were raised in their family?

Don’t blame the government. Don’t blame schools.
Ask ourselves, what are we doing as parents, as adults.
Did we prepare ourselves to properly raise another human being?

We need to break this chain, people. Let’s get to work.


**This is also one of the most important skills we need to teach children!

Surviving (Near-)Depression and Building Something Meaningful

I’m baaaack! (Yeah, well, you know the drill. As usual, I’m such a seasonal blogger.)

The last few months hasn’t been great for me actually. I almost fell into depression, if not actually depressed. And the last post about a place I belong? Boy how I was so wrong. Sekolah Alam is only great from the outside, but inside, it’s just as conventional as the school next door. At least that’s what I can say, based on my own experience. Not to belittle other Sekolah Alam, though.

Anyway, so now I’ve left the job at Sekolah Alam. I’m not proud of how I did, but I’m kinda glad I made the decision. I did went through terrible time after I resigned, I was in a very low point in the last few months, as if I didn’t know how to live anymore (yes, it was that bad)..but somehow I was able to pull myself back up. All praise to Allah, Alhamdulillah. And I finally figured out what I’m meant to do, or at least, what I really aspire to do.

Currently I’m back teaching as a freelance, looking for a suitable teaching job in alternative schools, and building networks in education. Last month I went to #PestaPendidikan in Bandung, and also joined Fitrah Based Education workshop. They were very insightful. I realized that what I enjoy the most is learning, and I’m always excited to learn, be it through seminars and workshop, or through interacting with people. I like talking about and spreading ideas, and get very excited when the people I talk to share the similar ideas.

Now I’m very excited to build @sekolahparenting, as a fitrah based education community. (Please do join! Any parents, parents to-be, educators or anyone who wants to learn and share about parenting are very welcomed.) Later when the community is solid, I think it’ll be much easier to build and develop a fitrah based school together. I’m very optimistic on this. Bismillah, I hope Allah Gives blessing on this plan.

It’s still a long way to go, but I think it’s gonna be an interesting journey.. Let’s collaborate! :)

Semangat Baruku

Sunday is over
We are all going home
No reason to stay here
But no one has made a move

We know that for sure
Nothing lasts forever
But we have too many things
Gone too fast

Let’s make a wish, easy one
That you are not the only one
And someone’s there next to you holding your hand

Make a wish, you’ll be fine
Nothing’s gonna let you down
Someone’s there next to you holding you now

Make a wish, easy one
You are not the only one
Someone’s there next to you holding your hand

Make a wish, you’ll be fine
Nothing’s gonna let you down
Someone’s there next to you holding you now
Along the paths you walk


Ya, lagu itulah yang sangat pas mengiringi perpisahan kami di Villa Merah, 20 Maret 2016 kemarin. Seluruh rangkaian acara telah selesai, tapi kami tak kunjung beranjak pergi. Seolah jiwa-jiwa kami belum ingin berpisah. Padahal, kami belum pernah bertemu sebelumnya. Kami “hanya” bertemu selama 4 hari, namun ternyata, momen itu mengubah hidup-hidup kami.

Atau setidaknya, mengubah hidup gue.

Kalo biasanya gue bikin postingan panjang-panjang banget, kali ini gue speechless.

Mereka semua orang hebat.

Mereka semua keren.

Mereka semua tadinya orang-orang yang sama sekali asing.

Tapi kemudian mereka semua mengubah gue.

Mereka semua jadi keluarga baru gue.

Mereka semua semangat baru gue.

Gue belajar banyak dari mereka, dan ternyata mereka pun belajar dari gue. Mereka semua membuat gue menjadi orang yang lebih baik, dengan atau tanpa mereka sadari. Mereka bersedia mendengar gue, mendukung gue, menyampaikan apa adanya pada gue, mengamini mimpi-mimpi gue. Pun gue untuk mereka. Mereka bahkan lebih dulu percaya sama gue daripada gue percaya sama diri gue sendiri.


Terlalu banyak hal yang bisa gue ekspresikan buat mereka. Terlalu besar rasa terima kasih gue untuk mereka.

Tapi kemudian gue kembali ke dunia nyata.

Ada saat-saat dimana gue kembali merasa kesepian. Sendirian.

Dan dunia luar itu begitu keras.

Emosi negatif begitu mudah menghampiri.

Begitu mudah kembali meracuni hati ini.

Dunia nyata terasa jauh lebih kejam ketika sendirian.

Tapi aku adalah aku.

Aku yang kalian percaya.

Aku yang kalian berikan hati kalian sepenuhnya.

Aku yang bisa memilih, apakah aku akan larut dalam kesepian

Ataukah aku akan menjaga dengan baik hati yang kalian titipkan.

Dan aku pun terbangun dengan pesan-pesan kalian.

Aku terbangun dengan semangat baru

Aku kembali terbangun dengan kesadaran.

Ternyata kalian masih bersedia mengingatkan.

Terima kasih, SIAware 25. Terima kasih, keluarga besar SIAware.

Akan kujaga hati yang kalian berikan.

I love you.

I give all my heart to you.


Jakarta, 22 Maret 2016. ©nadhilaaz

Precious :)

Had such a fun quality time with my best friend, Matahari Indonesia, last weekend. Went to Bandung to keep her company since she couldn’t come home on Ied. Can’t describe in words how happy and excited I was. Enough said. :)

Went window shopping with my BFF. Something I never imagined I’d finally do.
Bought a pair of these.. Ain’t they cute? :3

More happiness! Read some more!