Surviving (Near-)Depression and Building Something Meaningful

I’m baaaack! (Yeah, well, you know the drill. As usual, I’m such a seasonal blogger.)

The last few months hasn’t been great for me actually. I almost fell into depression, if not actually depressed. And the last post about a place I belong? Boy how I was so wrong. Sekolah Alam is only great from the outside, but inside, it’s just as conventional as the school next door. At least that’s what I can say, based on my own experience. Not to belittle other Sekolah Alam, though.

Anyway, so now I’ve left the job at Sekolah Alam. I’m not proud of how I did, but I’m kinda glad I made the decision. I did went through terrible time after I resigned, I was in a very low point in the last few months, as if I didn’t know how to live anymore (yes, it was that bad)..but somehow I was able to pull myself back up. All praise to Allah, Alhamdulillah. And I finally figured out what I’m meant to do, or at least, what I really aspire to do.

Currently I’m back teaching as a freelance, looking for a suitable teaching job in alternative schools, and building networks in education. Last month I went to #PestaPendidikan in Bandung, and also joined Fitrah Based Education workshop. They were very insightful. I realized that what I enjoy the most is learning, and I’m always excited to learn, be it through seminars and workshop, or through interacting with people. I like talking about and spreading ideas, and get very excited when the people I talk to share the similar ideas.

Now I’m very excited to build @sekolahparenting, as a fitrah based education community. (Please do join! Any parents, parents to-be, educators or anyone who wants to learn and share about parenting are very welcomed.) Later when the community is solid, I think it’ll be much easier to build and develop a fitrah based school together. I’m very optimistic on this. Bismillah, I hope Allah Gives blessing on this plan.

It’s still a long way to go, but I think it’s gonna be an interesting journey.. Let’s collaborate! :)


Semangat Baruku

Sunday is over
We are all going home
No reason to stay here
But no one has made a move

We know that for sure
Nothing lasts forever
But we have too many things
Gone too fast

Let’s make a wish, easy one
That you are not the only one
And someone’s there next to you holding your hand

Make a wish, you’ll be fine
Nothing’s gonna let you down
Someone’s there next to you holding you now

Make a wish, easy one
You are not the only one
Someone’s there next to you holding your hand

Make a wish, you’ll be fine
Nothing’s gonna let you down
Someone’s there next to you holding you now
Along the paths you walk


Ya, lagu itulah yang sangat pas mengiringi perpisahan kami di Villa Merah, 20 Maret 2016 kemarin. Seluruh rangkaian acara telah selesai, tapi kami tak kunjung beranjak pergi. Seolah jiwa-jiwa kami belum ingin berpisah. Padahal, kami belum pernah bertemu sebelumnya. Kami “hanya” bertemu selama 4 hari, namun ternyata, momen itu mengubah hidup-hidup kami.

Atau setidaknya, mengubah hidup gue.

Kalo biasanya gue bikin postingan panjang-panjang banget, kali ini gue speechless.

Mereka semua orang hebat.

Mereka semua keren.

Mereka semua tadinya orang-orang yang sama sekali asing.

Tapi kemudian mereka semua mengubah gue.

Mereka semua jadi keluarga baru gue.

Mereka semua semangat baru gue.

Gue belajar banyak dari mereka, dan ternyata mereka pun belajar dari gue. Mereka semua membuat gue menjadi orang yang lebih baik, dengan atau tanpa mereka sadari. Mereka bersedia mendengar gue, mendukung gue, menyampaikan apa adanya pada gue, mengamini mimpi-mimpi gue. Pun gue untuk mereka. Mereka bahkan lebih dulu percaya sama gue daripada gue percaya sama diri gue sendiri.


Terlalu banyak hal yang bisa gue ekspresikan buat mereka. Terlalu besar rasa terima kasih gue untuk mereka.

Tapi kemudian gue kembali ke dunia nyata.

Ada saat-saat dimana gue kembali merasa kesepian. Sendirian.

Dan dunia luar itu begitu keras.

Emosi negatif begitu mudah menghampiri.

Begitu mudah kembali meracuni hati ini.

Dunia nyata terasa jauh lebih kejam ketika sendirian.

Tapi aku adalah aku.

Aku yang kalian percaya.

Aku yang kalian berikan hati kalian sepenuhnya.

Aku yang bisa memilih, apakah aku akan larut dalam kesepian

Ataukah aku akan menjaga dengan baik hati yang kalian titipkan.

Dan aku pun terbangun dengan pesan-pesan kalian.

Aku terbangun dengan semangat baru

Aku kembali terbangun dengan kesadaran.

Ternyata kalian masih bersedia mengingatkan.

Terima kasih, SIAware 25. Terima kasih, keluarga besar SIAware.

Akan kujaga hati yang kalian berikan.

I love you.

I give all my heart to you.


Jakarta, 22 Maret 2016. ©nadhilaaz

Precious :)

Had such a fun quality time with my best friend, Matahari Indonesia, last weekend. Went to Bandung to keep her company since she couldn’t come home on Ied. Can’t describe in words how happy and excited I was. Enough said. :)

Went window shopping with my BFF. Something I never imagined I’d finally do.
Bought a pair of these.. Ain’t they cute? :3

More happiness! Read some more!