It’s That Time of The Year Again, I Guess..

Yep, being the seasonal blogger I am, you know what it means when I suddenly show up on this blog again.

Gosh, it’s been almost a year since my last post, huh? Can’t believe time went by that fast.

Ah, I don’t know where to start..

The last one year has been such a roller-coaster of emotions for me. Oh, and I (almost) fell into depression (again). Yup, it’s been one helluva year. I survived that, though, and I began to love my job more than I ever loved anything I’ve ever done in my life.

But maybe.. I’ve fallen in love too deeply. And nothing with the prefix ‘too’ has ever gone good. I know I’ve always told myself to not care about what people say, as long as do what I believe is right.. But well, apparently letting your heart take control is not all that good after all.

I let my heart lead the way, but apparently I ignored my logic completely.. and I almost ruined everything.

I’m in too deep.

I don’t know why this always happens to me.  The moment I care, I ruin everything.

Because I’d do it wholeheartedly. I’d care too much.

And I ruined it. Again.

I might need to pull myself away for now. Keep my distance. Try to care less.

Thank goodness I have somewhere else to put my focus on..

“I can’t help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I’m sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel..”

– Papa Roach, ‘Scars’


I have other news that might be more exciting to share, but.. in another post, maybe. Right now I’m just too mellow to write anything else..

But hey! Thank goodness for all those mellow-ness. Here I am writing again. Guess there’s always a brighter side to everything…

Semangat Baruku

Sunday is over
We are all going home
No reason to stay here
But no one has made a move

We know that for sure
Nothing lasts forever
But we have too many things
Gone too fast

Let’s make a wish, easy one
That you are not the only one
And someone’s there next to you holding your hand

Make a wish, you’ll be fine
Nothing’s gonna let you down
Someone’s there next to you holding you now

Make a wish, easy one
You are not the only one
Someone’s there next to you holding your hand

Make a wish, you’ll be fine
Nothing’s gonna let you down
Someone’s there next to you holding you now
Along the paths you walk


Ya, lagu itulah yang sangat pas mengiringi perpisahan kami di Villa Merah, 20 Maret 2016 kemarin. Seluruh rangkaian acara telah selesai, tapi kami tak kunjung beranjak pergi. Seolah jiwa-jiwa kami belum ingin berpisah. Padahal, kami belum pernah bertemu sebelumnya. Kami “hanya” bertemu selama 4 hari, namun ternyata, momen itu mengubah hidup-hidup kami.

Atau setidaknya, mengubah hidup gue.

Kalo biasanya gue bikin postingan panjang-panjang banget, kali ini gue speechless.

Mereka semua orang hebat.

Mereka semua keren.

Mereka semua tadinya orang-orang yang sama sekali asing.

Tapi kemudian mereka semua mengubah gue.

Mereka semua jadi keluarga baru gue.

Mereka semua semangat baru gue.

Gue belajar banyak dari mereka, dan ternyata mereka pun belajar dari gue. Mereka semua membuat gue menjadi orang yang lebih baik, dengan atau tanpa mereka sadari. Mereka bersedia mendengar gue, mendukung gue, menyampaikan apa adanya pada gue, mengamini mimpi-mimpi gue. Pun gue untuk mereka. Mereka bahkan lebih dulu percaya sama gue daripada gue percaya sama diri gue sendiri.


Terlalu banyak hal yang bisa gue ekspresikan buat mereka. Terlalu besar rasa terima kasih gue untuk mereka.

Tapi kemudian gue kembali ke dunia nyata.

Ada saat-saat dimana gue kembali merasa kesepian. Sendirian.

Dan dunia luar itu begitu keras.

Emosi negatif begitu mudah menghampiri.

Begitu mudah kembali meracuni hati ini.

Dunia nyata terasa jauh lebih kejam ketika sendirian.

Tapi aku adalah aku.

Aku yang kalian percaya.

Aku yang kalian berikan hati kalian sepenuhnya.

Aku yang bisa memilih, apakah aku akan larut dalam kesepian

Ataukah aku akan menjaga dengan baik hati yang kalian titipkan.

Dan aku pun terbangun dengan pesan-pesan kalian.

Aku terbangun dengan semangat baru

Aku kembali terbangun dengan kesadaran.

Ternyata kalian masih bersedia mengingatkan.

Terima kasih, SIAware 25. Terima kasih, keluarga besar SIAware.

Akan kujaga hati yang kalian berikan.

I love you.

I give all my heart to you.


Jakarta, 22 Maret 2016. ©nadhilaaz