Surviving (Near-)Depression and Building Something Meaningful

I’m baaaack! (Yeah, well, you know the drill. As usual, I’m such a seasonal blogger.)

The last few months hasn’t been great for me actually. I almost fell into depression, if not actually depressed. And the last post about a place I belong? Boy how I was so wrong. Sekolah Alam is only great from the outside, but inside, it’s just as conventional as the school next door. At least that’s what I can say, based on my own experience. Not to belittle other Sekolah Alam, though.

Anyway, so now I’ve left the job at Sekolah Alam. I’m not proud of how I did, but I’m kinda glad I made the decision. I did went through terrible time after I resigned, I was in a very low point in the last few months, as if I didn’t know how to live anymore (yes, it was that bad)..but somehow I was able to pull myself back up. All praise to Allah, Alhamdulillah. And I finally figured out what I’m meant to do, or at least, what I really aspire to do.

Currently I’m back teaching as a freelance, looking for a suitable teaching job in alternative schools, and building networks in education. Last month I went to #PestaPendidikan in Bandung, and also joined Fitrah Based Education workshop. They were very insightful. I realized that what I enjoy the most is learning, and I’m always excited to learn, be it through seminars and workshop, or through interacting with people. I like talking about and spreading ideas, and get very excited when the people I talk to share the similar ideas.

Now I’m very excited to build @sekolahparenting, as a fitrah based education community. (Please do join! Any parents, parents to-be, educators or anyone who wants to learn and share about parenting are very welcomed.) Later when the community is solid, I think it’ll be much easier to build and develop a fitrah based school together. I’m very optimistic on this. Bismillah, I hope Allah Gives blessing on this plan.

It’s still a long way to go, but I think it’s gonna be an interesting journey.. Let’s collaborate! :)

It’s My Life

It’s my life
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I’m alive

It’s my life
My heart is like an open highway
Like Franklin said, “I did it my way”
I just wanna live while I’m alive

Bon Jovi – It’s My Life

Lagu ini masih terus terngiang-ngiang di kepala gue sampe saat ini, tetapi itu nggak bikin gue kesel (seperti mungkin umumnya lagu yang terngiang-ngiang di pikiran), justru bikin gue lebih semangat :)

Ya, baru dalam 4 hari kebelakang ini gue bener-bener mendalami lirik lagu ini, dan meresapi maknanya. Ini hidup gue. Hidup gue adanya sekarang; nanti, besok, lusa, siapa yang tahu? Only Allah knows. Gue punya pilihan untuk menentukan hidup gue. Mau seperti apa? Mau dibawa kemana?

Dan ternyata gue udah pernah menulis tentang pilihan loh di sini. (Baru nyadar, hahaha. Terus sekarang nulis apa dong yah.)

Oh, iya. Kalau gitu sekarang gue nulis tentang kesadaran deh. Bahasa kerennya (eh, Bahasa Inggrisnya ding) sih awareness.

Apa itu awareness? Awareness adalah kesadaran. (Lah, dibolak-balik doang.)

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What’s The One Thing You’re Proud Of?

The one thing I’m proud of, is probably being able to push myself out a lot from my comfort zone, and discovering a lot more of myself from doing so. One of which is by making a contra-popular decision to leave my job in corporate business and starting a career in education, although my background has been rather scientific. I sort of have written about this in my other post, but I guess today there are more things I am aware of, compared to when I wrote the post.

What started out as one act of pushing myself out of the comfort zone (leaving such a promising job, rank, salary), continued to extract a greater will to keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone, until I realized that I’ve discovered things I never knew I had. I’ve never felt so alive before. I realized that there’s this huge potential I’ve never noticed at all. Where have I been all my life?

The thing is, I always thought of myself as an introvert, an antisocial. Meeting people was the least thing I’d like to do. I don’t like to open up to people I barely know, I don’t want to seem stupid or vulnerable. I even passed up a lot of group hangouts, avoiding places where I might bump into somebody I know. I’d rather avoid being in awkward situation of not being able to start or keep a conversation going.

But ever since I decided to leave my job, somehow I started to push myself to do things I don’t usually do, because I’m changing my life and career direction into something (almost) completely new to me. So I guess I had to try to do things in a different way. I started to make new acquaintances, at first it was because I needed some information, and most of my existing friends or colleagues wouldn’t know about it because most of them are in the same or similar background like mine (i.e., engineering/industrial).

Realizing that I need much more information and insights, I start meeting more and more people. And then I realized I actually liked it. I liked meeting people, getting new ideas,  knowledge, insights. I even got kind of addicted to it.

I used to avoid meeting people, but now I feel like I wouldn’t pass up a chance to meet people, even meeting someone new. I just realized how much I enjoy building a network, getting to know awesome people, listening to their great ideas, even sharing them my thoughts and ideas.

I am proud of myself for being able to push through what I thought was the limit, to find new opportunities out there, and most importantly, to discover so much potential in me.

Featured image from  The Worry Free Life.