Surviving (Near-)Depression and Building Something Meaningful

I’m baaaack! (Yeah, well, you know the drill. As usual, I’m such a seasonal blogger.)

The last few months hasn’t been great for me actually. I almost fell into depression, if not actually depressed. And the last post about a place I belong? Boy how I was so wrong. Sekolah Alam is only great from the outside, but inside, it’s just as conventional as the school next door. At least that’s what I can say, based on my own experience. Not to belittle other Sekolah Alam, though.

Anyway, so now I’ve left the job at Sekolah Alam. I’m not proud of how I did, but I’m kinda glad I made the decision. I did went through terrible time after I resigned, I was in a very low point in the last few months, as if I didn’t know how to live anymore (yes, it was that bad)..but somehow I was able to pull myself back up. All praise to Allah, Alhamdulillah. And I finally figured out what I’m meant to do, or at least, what I really aspire to do.

Currently I’m back teaching as a freelance, looking for a suitable teaching job in alternative schools, and building networks in education. Last month I went to #PestaPendidikan in Bandung, and also joined Fitrah Based Education workshop. They were very insightful. I realized that what I enjoy the most is learning, and I’m always excited to learn, be it through seminars and workshop, or through interacting with people. I like talking about and spreading ideas, and get very excited when the people I talk to share the similar ideas.

Now I’m very excited to build @sekolahparenting, as a fitrah based education community. (Please do join! Any parents, parents to-be, educators or anyone who wants to learn and share about parenting are very welcomed.) Later when the community is solid, I think it’ll be much easier to build and develop a fitrah based school together. I’m very optimistic on this. Bismillah, I hope Allah Gives blessing on this plan.

It’s still a long way to go, but I think it’s gonna be an interesting journey.. Let’s collaborate! :)

Indonesia

Aku ingin hidup normal, katanya

Perlu kau tanya kenapa?

Entah apa yang dirasa normal baginya

Tapi ia pernah berkata

Nama itu terlalu berat dipikulnya

Entah kapan ia terakhir merasa bahagia

Kusangka setelah ia menemukan kawan perjalanannya

Ia akhirnya akan bahagia

Namun ternyata terus begitu sendu hatinya

Entah mengapa

 

Mungkin aku memang bukan siapa-siapa baginya

Mungkin aku tak punya tempat lagi di sana

Tapi sungguh ku hanya ingin yang terbaik baginya

Sungguh ku selalu ingin hadir untuk dirinya

Apa yang bisa kulakukan untuknya?

Ketika ia seperti tak ingin mendengar apapun selain isi pikirannya

Bagaimana aku bisa membantunya?

Ketika ia sepertinya sudah menyerah untuk bahagia?

Jakarta, 11 September 2016.

Why Do You Write A Blog?

Oh well, just in time! Because I can see the old habit started kicking in, hahaha. It happened all the time; I’d be on fire and started writing something for the blog again, promising myself -if not the readers- to post regularly again, but then I lost the mood, life happens, etc, and I’d just go on hiatus until I started to write again, and the cycle repeats itself. Apparently it’s quite easy to start, but being consistent is the hardest part. Thanks to Dira, I found this blogging challenge. Hopefully it will stimulate me to write more consistently. Let’s break that evil chain, eh?

So why did I start a blog in the first place?

I guess it started with the Friendster blog back then. I saw some people write blogs, then I guess I thought it’d be a good place to post some of my work. I liked writing poetry back in high school. So I started posting my poems in that Friendster blog. I was also terrible at keeping a journal/diary, and I don’t always have a friend to tell my stories to, so I guess it could be a place for me to share my stories too –ones that are not private business, of course.

So I kept writing about personal experiences, mostly the ones that are out of my ordinary days, just as a way to share my life story with others. A couple years later, after I migrated my blog to WordPress (because Friendster was getting less popular), I started to contemplate more about life and the things around me. And I just thought that maybe I can get people to stop once in a while and think about such things too. Maybe I could affect or inspire people in some way through my writings. I started writing more about things that I think about, and less about daily experiences.

I kept writing (although less frequently, because I only write if I believe it’s worth to think about), because I want to affect people to change. I want to make people think, and change their point of view, change their attitude, and become a better person, do better for others around them. For a better world, eventually.

A wise man once said, “To read is to know the world, to write is to know thyself.”

So that’s it, I guess. I write a blog to inspire, not only people, but also myself. Let all these writings remind me of who I was, who I am, and who I want to become.